20: 04 - Next Blog >> #1

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Written by: Melaisis
Edited by: Curio

That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of the month again (no! I'm not on period! I'm not even a woman you moron!). Indeed, it is time for...

NEXT BLOG >>

Which, if it doesn't offend too many people, should become a monthly article. In Next Blog >> I pluck up the courage to click the infamous 'Next Blog >>' button at the top of the page, and find out what other people's blogs are like. After a quick look, I take the piss out them in my blog. Every month expect to have everything ranging from the blogs of whiny teenagers to the journals of French exchange students here. But, until I actually bother to translate the latter mentioned pages, you're stuck with whiny teenagers. Let's get started, shall we?

http://fletcherbeaver.blogspot.com/

(And, for those of you who can't simply be bothered to copy and paste the URL: http://fletcherbeaver.blogspot.com)

I must say, I struck gold with this one. The first Next Blog >> I click, and it's exactly what I'm looking for. It's so obviously supposed to be serious, yet I cannot take it as such in any way. Let's start with the profile:

Fletcher Beaver
Location:Melbourne, Australia

I'm a pacifist who believes if you throw bombs at people they tend to throw them back. It's basic maths, really. I'm an atheist who thinks all religion is the enemy. You only get one life; myths, stories, superstions don't give you a two way bet. Live your life and be happy, it's the only chance you get.

Remember when I said in my 'How To Be A Hippy' guide that to be a good hippy, you should be hypocritical beyond belief? I think "I'm a pacifist who believes if you throw bombs at people they tend to throw them back" counts as an immensely hypocritical and... well, quite insane statement, don't you? Also, for another immensely ignorant statement: "You only get one life; myths, stories, superstions don't give you a two way bet." Well, that's a good, balanced way of looking at things, isn't it!? By heck, if Ms. Brodowaska were to see this...

Moving down the page slightly:

Links

* Google News
* Edit-Me
* Edit-Me

AWESOME USE OF HTML, THERE! What wonderful and interesting insights into life 'Edit Me' brings! How amazing! This woman can't even be bothered to edit her template for the critical public!

Moving swiftly on to the posts themselves...

Western Society

We belch fat
as many people die of zip.
Yet we want more.

Another hypocritical statement! Except this one really doesn't give me much piss-taking material; I can't understand out of 5 the 14 words that make up this 'haiku'. Poetry? At least with poetry you can over-analyse it. With this, you can't analyse it at all! What's the freakin' point if no one understands you! Learn to rhyme! If you don't like Western Society - go live in Asia! Simple!

Continuing...

Mondays are hell.

I think I've smoked too many cigarettes... blah, blah, blah...

NOBODY CARES. GET OVER IT. GO LISTEN TO THE BOOMTOWN RATS OR SOMETHING. NO ONE CARES IF YOU SMOKE TOO MANY CIGARETTES. DIE YOUNG.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you to the very core of this blog. To the very post that lead me to typing my own post about it:

Retarded

I saw a young
retarded girl today.
She was pulling
very strange faces
in a shop window,
contorted spasms.
We all walked past and stared.
Then I realised
she was the only one smiling,
we all had grim faces
and she was laughing.
We were all so serious
and she was full of enjoyment.

She looked in the mirror, then. BWHAHAHAHA! NEEEEEEXT!

Further up from the last post I commented on, there's this one:

On the corner

Anna laughed when I told her about the retarded girl. She said I was a dreamer. She said never change.

I laughed at it, too. But obviously for not the same reason 'Anna' did. It seems this 'Anna' thinks 'Fletcher' (make me some arrows, girl!) is 'special'! GASP! I'm waiting a lesbian orgy post!

Now, for the many, many fans of Run, Lola, Run:

Manny

I love him... like friends, who have sex. Like a brother, I guess.
A sexy little brother.

You have to be kidding... What a weird comparison. Isn't incest illegal in Australia yet?

Well, I think I have thoroughly destroyed this month's blog enough for it to be deemed 'filthy'. I leave you with the quote of the year. In the words of Miss Fletcher Beaver:

He's got the most beautiful cock

Labels: incest, Melaisis, next blog, whiny teenager

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