The Three Rs is a primarily British viral entertainment site, with standings in many niche interests and involved in a variety of different groups. Topics range from gaming to adulthood to the latest fashion.
(That's "Hello Comrades!" for all you fatcats out there)
Here's hoping that you all had a wonderful state approved festive season!
And also a satisfactorily, state approved chri- Whoops! Musn't say that "C" word eh? - "Winterfest"
But all that political buggery aside, I really do hope you all had a decent christmas, in my eyes it's the best part of the year. No school or work, pretty lights, warm fires, extra effort not to argue with the sister (on her part of course) and STUFF. Stuff which is generally at no expense to me.
Hoorah.
And now, to the bulk, the body, the proverbial main course of this little Blog fricassée.
Montages.
That's right brothers, the montage, a classic cinematic device over a which a (generally great) passage of time occurs, aiding in plot and character development. Aren't they wonderful? Those little montages, filled with all that sweet montage-y goodness, don't you just wish that YOU could do it too? Skip all that bad crap that happens, and get straight to the rewards and glory.
Why, I can see it now, The Montage-o-matic from Skip The Bad Stuff ltd. Just put one fuel product in oversized fuel-hole (Coca-Cola brand Baby Souls recommended, now with extra fizz!) pull the lever and off we go, skipping important life sufferings, trials, tribulations, nights out with "The Lads" resulting in sickness due to the ingestion of a cola-brand baby soul after a few too many with said "Lads" and getting straight onto the cash and prime-time channel 4 docu-soap gained after sueing cola because of your dumb ass being talked into eating that one pesky soul!
Well...unfortunately for us all, I'm not about to say "Picture it no longer!", or spout out some other condescending, asinine bullshit, spewed out by the media to the masses like blood to the vampires in the oh so memorable "Baby Boom" period.
No, I'm not going to say it, because it's not happened yet. I don't know if it ever will, but as far as I'm aware (And oh boy...am I ever aware) it hasn't happened yet. And you know, maybe that's a good thing. After all, what has Adam Sandler in the feature film Click taught us if not that skipping sections of your life can be hazardous to your health? It can cause all manner of complications! Heart attacks, divorces, bankruptcy and if "The Lads" are involved, probably far too many ill-advised curries and gastrofantazmally-onomical amounts of alcohol. And hey, you could also accidentally sell your soul I guess. Maybe.
I hear Cola are looking for a new angle after your little court case.
But why am I saying all this, after all, reading back it seems a little directionless so far, I started with Russian and have degraded into a thinly veiled anti-The Man speech.
Ok, maybe not SO directionless.
Well I'll tell you why I'm writing this. And brace yourself, there's no comforting satire or cosy, let's all sit by the fire wit here. No, this place is barren of such things.
I'm afraid.
That's right, I'm afraid, it's almost 2007 and in the past month or so I've had a myriad of options thrust upon me. New friends and family, old friendships turning sour, threats, angst, help. Just lots and lots of options.
The main concern is college. And sure, I've people telling me it's nothing to worry about, and that's it's just another step. But it's not. It really is a big deal, and when your stuck in a situation like mine (Which I'm not going to talk about, it's about family and I don't want this post to become TOO emo) then making the "wrong" choice as it were potentially has dire consequences.
DIRE.
And so I'll leave it there, just a little taste of how I'm feeling, and hopefully a lesson not to always be wishing things away, or watching Rocky.
After all, if Rocky has taught me one thing. It's that montages fix EVERYTHING.
Greetings, I come to you bearing news, news of the darkest nature.
I have made a discovery, and that discovery is as follows.
Solitaire is the Devil's game.
Now, I don't mean it's a game played by the lord Satan, oh no, he's far too wily for that one readers, no, what I mean to implicate is that Solitaire is the creation of Diablo and his Dark Cabal. How did I come about this revelation I hear you ask? Well, gather round while I tell ye a tale...
Picture the scene, it's 6:00 pm, I'm alone in my room and I've just completed the old Lucas Arts favourite Full Throttle. The lights are out, the credits finish rolling and I ask myself with a smug sense of satisfaction "Hm, what now?" and so it began.
I venture to my kitchen, and return a short while later with a nice hot cup of tea, settling into my fancy leather office chair I click open media player and set a playlist going. "Mad Beats" affectionately named by your beloved author based on the fact that the list does indeed play, and does indeed contain beats, which are indeed of the maddening variety. They are German you see.
The next several hours are a blur, I remember opening Solitaire, German Industrial Techno and the occasional bit of French House thrown in for good measure thump and squeal out of my sick sound system. But then, oh then dear reader...I encountered terrors too terrible to describe!
But fear not...I'll describe them anyway, I'm not Lovecraft, and it's more fun that way.
Fooled into thinking that solitaire was a simple game of numbers, red on black highest to lowest and then in reverse I embarked, first game ended badly...as did the next 7 or so. But then...oh then, an 8! Had I beat it? Was this to be the glorious moment of my victory? I could taste it...and oh it tasted good my friend. And indeed it was...the cards slid into place, right click was clicked with courage and how the cards did cascade. I smiled. But oh...oh, woe is me.
I awoke fellows to the sound of drinking, and a bitter sweet smell. The smell of blood! And so I arose, tea in hand finding myself faced with none other than Lucifer himself, and he did laugh. I sipped.
Lucifer: You think you have beaten me hm? Me: Say What? Lucifer: You are fooled! Now. Game on.
Asmodai may or may not have proceeded to "Bust a Groove" to my phat tunes.
And so there was a table, green like the green of something that once resembled something edible, but had been left in the sun for...too long, and upon it rested a deck of cards! Laid out in the correct manner for playing only one game...
Solitaire.
And I played. Oh how I played, for two god damn hours. Unable to win, and unable to quit. "Just another hand" I would tell myself, and always so close to victory until one false move brought my magnificent numerical masterpiece down around me to the sound of Beelzebub's laughter and mad dancing skillz. Truly he is the Dancing Queen.
I was crushed, broken, jiggered, screwed and any other negative adjective you'd care to toss my way...and what did I hear in my failure?
Music.
German Industrial Techno.
It said thus...
God....Wrapped in Plastic.
Surely Mephistopheles was speaking to me, telling me that he had trapped the one called God in some cellophane prison, truely he was the victor this day...and I wept.
...(Yes the guy from Firefly) Kate drugs him and tells him about being a fugitive and such.
Dee4leeds' Verdict
Nothing new, pointless cameo but good reference to the "Tampa Job" Hibbs wanted Sawyer to do in his flashback.
Real Time
Synopsis
Jack says he will do Ben's operation only if Ben gets Jack of the island, Ben agrees.
At the Quarry Kate and Sawyer are put to work, until a defiant Alex appears...
...demanding to see Ben, and not scared when faced with Pickett and his gun. Jack now begins to operate on Ben.
Over at the Eko central, Locke makes them wait to bury him as he gets Eko's "Jesus Stick." Constantly saying Eko died for a reason but he doesn't know what yet. At placing Eko's stick over his grave he notices why he died...
A sly Jack cuts Ben's kindy open under the operating theatre, leaving Ben with an hour to live unless the others do as Jack says. He demands Kate is allowed be let free...
..."KATE, DAMN IT, RUN!".
Dee4leeds' Verdict
A so-so episode, the cliffhanger was so boring (by Lost standards, that is!) and insulted my intelligence, yes I get it...Jack likes Kate, YESH! The cliffhanger should of been the far more mysterious "Jesus stick-smash cut!" (Editing Terminology.) No beach action, always a downside. Anyway until next time...
Next Week - ...nothing - Lost Returns February (In the US...AND UK! Woo! GO SKY ONE!)
...and now Leona has a record contract, you have no one but yourself to blame.
The final was clearly Leona biased. Camera facing her picture, judges willing audience to vote for it but not Ray, better stage orientation. Clearly Biased.
Ben was the only talent on the entire show (followed (far behind though) by 4sure.)
Well said! FFS! The whole world's turning into fucking Bono.
- sundaeg1rl, 2006.
Not a truer word said. Well, that's about the most honest line I've heard so far today, all twenty-six minutes of it. It is true, of course; the whole world is trying to turn into 'fucking Bono'. 'It's a good cause!' They scream. "We're involving the community for the greater good!'
Wrong.
Wrong.
WHAT!?
For a start; what exactly is this cause? Sure, it's 'OneTube' and the promotional video made the YouTube front page; ready to be viewed by millions! Community and outsiders alike! Which brings me swiftly onto the quick critism that this video all-so-easily spawns for a bloke like me. The very ideal that this video is based on his flawed from the foundations upwards. The key idea, you see reader, is that this video is supposed to be getting the 'YouTube community' involved in the 'project'.
Of course, neither of those points actually apply with the OneTube... thing. 'Make one difference', I think the key theme is. Yeah, but what difference? Does it actually specify what difference!? No! Does it actually specify how!? Well, no! But I think we might have to join the OneTube group or something... and... read the description of the video? IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A PROMOTIONAL FECKING VIDEO ADVERTISING THE FECKING GROUP - YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY WHAT THE GROUP DOES IN THE VIDEO, YOU MORONS! We're totally clueless as to what the group does, so who is in it?
Apparently, the 'project' (at the same time as sounding as bad as a plot twist in Lost) is supposed to involve the YouTube community! Sounds great, doesn't it? Well, reader, it would be; if it was actually about the said people. Certainly, the group is able to make a well-synced video where each 'YouTuber' gets a line each to say about it and whatnot - but what as that got to do with community project? Surely, if people like me and Kenny Crane cannot (or rather, chose not to) post videos and contribute via visuals, we are not an official or active part of the community or allowed to take a part in it with no hope of being creditted? In an ideal world, no one should be doing it for praise or to become famous - but for the great feeling inside we get from helping doing... whatever it may be. However, with the amount of these videos which are making the front page featuring the video-posting minority with no mention of the active, willing majority which are actually helpful in the groups (OneTube or otherwise). Surely if the people in the video are getting extra views and subscriptions based on appearing in these 'multi-films', then we should at least get a mention? If it is about getting the community involved, how about they start with mentioning the people already working for the group, hm?
From now on, everytime I do something nice for somebody else, I'm gonna attempt to write the worst song in existence, add some psychedelic effects, and then spend 2 minutes bragging about it on YouTube. Maybe I'll get featured!
- gregarious24
This is fucking stupid! I laughed the whole video because everyone was old! Old people shouldn't use youtube they should crap their pants! LOL!!! I also don't know wtf the death of some old guy was about and they had to make a video about him for youtube expecting people to care. Everyone dies it doesn't mean you have to make a video about them for everyone else to feel bad. He didn't die of disease it was age! Also to the video creators...
douche!!!
- suchingwankdouche
And the song...? Don't get me started!
Ahem, now, for something a little different which has also made frontpage lately. Something a lot more productive and worthwhile than 'OneTube':
Great: Eko Flashback. Great: Went to the Pearl. Great: The guy with eyepatch? (Made me jump! Radzinsky?) Great: Eko killing people! Great: Back to classic mysterious Locke. Great: Zombies...well not really. Great: Smoke Monster's back! Great: Ben scheming against Jack Great: Juliet scheming against Ben. (Or was she?)
Awful
Awful: The stupid devlopment of the two new castaways. (Nikki and Paulo) Awful: The jump in logic with Sayid back at the beach. Awful: Eko's dead!
He was the best character...well I guess Desmondo is my favourite living chracter.
This episode shows non-viewers what Lost is about, non stop fighting and Literature quotes. Sawyer fights Ben. Pickett fights Sawyer. Jack beats Colleen, (OK that doesn't count as was trying to start her heart.) you get the point. The Literature referenced was "Of Mice of Men." Anyway good flashback showing Sawyer in jail and showing how far he will go to escape, which he did, by doing the only thing he knows...conning people for all they have got. REVELATION TIME - Sawyer has a daughter...or does he? Is the one person he loved before crashing and taught all his conning moves trying to con sawyer out of money? Maybe we'll find out...maybe we won't. (Second option) Anyway after Sawyer has his heart changed with a pacemaker which will explode if it goes over 150 bpm, Benry (aka Ben, Linus, Fenry, Henry, Henry Gale, that creepy guy) takes Sawyer on a long journey to the beach to find out that the pacemaker wasn't a bomb, what calmed him down, was the threat of Kate getting one, but that's not all, to thwart his escape plans he shows Sayer that there is two islands! Yes that's right TWO ISLANDS! A main island which the plane crashed on and a smaller island which is like "Alcatraz." Anyway to the point just watch Lost.
This is a non biased view of Leona from the X Factor...
Every-fucking-one can make weird yodelling noises are the end of every line, she can't sing. FACT.
Take tonight (and every other night, and her audition etc.) she was flat, boring, there is not a single once of tone to her noise, I mean voice. FACT.
Jesus Christ, "Spirit and Destiny" was better, with and without Della.
Yet she is praised like a Goddess. Could it be because she was created at the ministry of shit singers?
Roll-play for you guys at home. (Based on a true story)
The creator of shit music is using the rest of the scraps left.
Creator: Lets see, I have one of these broken voice boxes left. What we got here?
He begins to search
Creator: Beady, sly eyes. they'll do and some of those.
He slowly creates a evil monster, then sticking the broken voice box in her.
Creator: Lets see personality...personality...none left, sorry. All it needs now is a name. We have Mari-AH, Christin-A we need another a names. L-e-o-n-a. Yeah that'll do.
What did he create...
...
See pure fact.
I beg of you, the sane readers of this blog to vote for Ben or Ray.
This is the second greatest comedy film ever created. First being Airplane!
Well now I will place it third. Pick of Destiny fucking rocks man! Totally kicking Borats arse!
Basically its a fictional history (or is it?) of the D leading all the way up to the Tribute video. Along the way gaining cameos from the likes of Ben Stiller, Meatloaf, that guy from the Shawshank Redemption (you know, the main guy) and more.
The one major flaw in the film is that if you haven't heard the D's work, then your pretty much crapped. But of course only the mentally disabled (aka Chavs - aka most of lower school at Temple Moor.) will of not heard it. Saying that we did get a review from some chavs before hand who said it was good. (An understatement if ever I saw one)
So now in Dee4leeds fashion I will say...
This film is great. Go see it. I demand it! SEE IT GOD DAMN YOU!
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