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Monday, February 20, 2006
Written by: Dee4leeds
Once again it is time for me to have a rant about Hollywood. This time it is Hollywood’s repent onslaught on superhero movies. Let’s have a look at what started them all. "Superman" (1978) did well, had a sequel (hump.) In 1981 Tim Burton decides to make a movie version of "Batman" once again sequels. The next film was X-Men (2000) this movie just created a cult following. Next comes the film which started the boom. Sam Rami's "Spider-man" (2002) the extremely successful film, sparked Hollywood’s obsession. "With great power comes great responsibility," the famous lines uttered by Ben Parker. Hollywood had the power to make superhero films, but they had great responsibility to not overdo it, they failed, failed miserably. Hollywood noticed that there was ( I say was) a market for superhero films, so quickly placed into production were "Men in Black 2," "X2 - X men united," "Hulk" and "Daredevil." RUBBISH! (not so much men in black 2, but still wasn’t great) since then we have been "graced" with "Electra," "Blade: Trinity," "Spider-man 2" "Fantastic Four," "Batman Begins," "Hellboy," "Constantine," "Sin City," "Catwoman," "The Punisher," Man-Thing," "A History of Violence," "The Crow; Wicked Prayer" and "Son of the Mask" to name a few.
In wake of melaisis's latest post I thought what the hell lets have ago...
Oriental Clog making man: This superhero spends all day making oriental clogs. He gained his special powers by skydiving into a pit of radioactive clogs. (Like what you normally find) Now he must make clogs or the world could be destroyed.
The Human Wart: This guy is a wart just bouncing down the street. He has the ability to a wart and has to fit off such villains as "Acne man" and "The Washer"
Really Really Rich Spoilt Bastard boy: Well this guy has the ability to talk his parents into buying him anything. He uses him mommy and daddy extreme wealth to fight crime
Hobo boy: Has the ability to live on the streets and scrounge off anyone.
Copyright Infringement man: Has the power to have any power if it has been copyrighted, so he can fly, be lost on an island, run at high speeds, make the beast look beautiful, shoots webs, capture ghosts, use blogger, use commas, turn invisible, look after seven dwarfs, play dead, at a boy, rollover, sit, good boy, fetch, shake paws, good boy, here’s a treat, turn into a big green thing, be a judge on the X factor, be made out of stone, travel time in a phone box with Rufus, stretch, OWW!, Annie, are you ok, Are you ok, Are you ok, Annie, you've been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a smooth criminal, be a goldfish, turn on fire, heal quickly, pull a sword out stone, make biscuits limp, be papa smurf, hate napoleon dynamite, be little, make George Orwell right, he was right by the way, death to ants, control electricity, be the one, the two, or the three, ride ice, rap, ride elephants, fire heat beams out of his eyes, own a great site, www.c-r-a-p.piczo.com, be a 40 year old virgin, eat haggis, be a robotic cop, be copyright infringement man, be an earthworm in a super suit from space, laugh, make an alien ant farm, make alien ant, make an alien, sing happy birthday, control the weather, terminate, be god, create a theory of relativity, be a spy, have a freaky Friday, wear socks, wear the one ring, lick ice-cream, be from hell, pie, turn into metal, marry Richard, divorce Judy, me, myself & Irene, make the most scrumptious fudge-mellow delight ever, use mind control, be the resistance, enter the matrix, publish, be trapped on a spacecraft with an alien, go shopping, dodge bullets, make it so, be Donald trump, eat toast, be rich, stop bullets with his hand, be a dictator, breath and talk at the same time (which is really hard but he can do because some else can do it, I can do it and I am sure you cant do it but what is important that he can do it and the other guy who I wont speak off because of copyright infringement) use the force, become a wizard, be 13 going on 30, be shallow, be called Hal and of course drink thirst quenching coca-cola
Ass hole man: This guy has the ability to be an ass hole, he gained his special powers by being an asshole.
Well that concludes the Superhero rant; I hope Stan Lee doesn’t nick any of my ideas
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